A few months ago I turned 40 years old. It is weird because I don’t feel my age, but I am thankful to be getting older. Honestly, I have seen so many young people pass away, I feel so grateful to still be here.
My greatest desire is to live a happy and fulfilling life. I told myself I cannot let a number define who I am, and what I do; however, for the past few months, I have been letting it define my physical self. That has to stop.
Since my youngest son, Tiago, was born I have struggled to lose weight. I am literally the same exact weight as the day I came home from the hospital. I’ve made excuses, first, it was that my body “always takes a while to get back to normal after childbirth”. Then, I told myself that it was because I am older and it is probably going to be harder this time. I also told myself it was because of my heart surgery, and that my body takes longer to recuperate. But, I’ve had enough of the excuses! I need to lose weight and the only reason I haven’t is that I eat too much, I snack late at night, and I love sweets.
I have to do something. Anything. So, this week I have started working out. Just thirty-minute workouts (I use Beach Body On Demand), and I am really trying to eat smaller portions. I have a sweet tooth (understatement of the year) and would normally eat something sweet late at night. The past couple of nights I have tried to grab a glass of water instead and wait it out. It is not easy. I hate feeling like I am depriving myself so I don’t plan on doing that forever. I believe in moderation, and if I control my portions and make sure I am active I know I will reach my goal. But for right now, I am trying to really cut down/out my candy addiction.
Have you ever talked with someone and felt you were being judged? This happened to me the other day while at the grocery store. I ran into a couple I hadn’t seen for years. Mind you, they didn’t say it, but I could feel their judgment in the way they looked at me. The passive aggressive comments regarding my health. “Are you still too weak to go to the gym?” “It must be hard to take care of yourself with three kids.” Yes, I was wearing a huge oversized jacket and some yoga pants. My hair was not combed so it was up in a bun. It was horrifying and eye-opening. But also really funny because whenever I leave the house looking like a hot mess, I am sure to find someone I know. Without fail.
I didn’t take it personally because I know these people well. I could have looked amazing and they would have found something to point out how inadequate they think I am. It stung because I never see these people and the one time I do, I have to provide them with enough juicy stuff to last a year??!! Seriously. It did remind me that I need to take more time for myself. So, it was probably a good thing, in some way.
I am committed to being healthier. Oh yeah, I also want to wear all the cute clothes I want! But mostly, and this is always the case: I want to love myself and my body in all of its stages. We are all beautiful. And even when I feel like I need to lose weight, or wish my hair was thicker, or my eyelashes longer, I always know that I am beautiful. I don’t have to be loved by everyone to feel that I am enough. My desire to be healthy and fit doesn’t come from a desire to be admired and loved by all that have the opportunity to see me. It comes from inside of me. From the part of me that wants to see my grandchildren grow up. From the part of me that will have a dog and go for long walks into my old age. The part of me that will wear inappropriate swimwear well past my time and strut my stuff. BECAUSE. I. CAN.
I have three children, a 13-year-old (in 2 days!!), an 8-year-old, and a 3-year old. They absolutely need me to be present – not to mention a very handsome husband that would also miss me if I was gone. Therefore, as I live in my 41st year, I want to share what I am doing to be healthy while having a fulfilling, and happy life.
I wish you a happy life. Let’s show gratitude and kindness to the world because for the most part, we get back what we put in. And there is so much we can appreciate and be thankful for. I love you!
