Quarantine Log: Day 35

My days are made up of homeschooling kids, cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, and never leaving the house, then I do it all again.  I am trying to look for the good in every change and the lesson in every new situation.

So, here are the things I have learned so far…. teachers are amazing and should be paid so much more. I have told my kids to call me Ms. Laura while they’re doing school work because if I have to listen to one more whiny “mmmooommm” I will be sent to the principal’s office.  I will always hold a special place in my heart for teachers!

A couple of weeks into this pandemic, I lost my job.  It was really hard because I loved my job! I am focusing on the good, so here it is,  I now have more time to get a work out in or go for a walk. I am able to clean up my house during the day and enjoy it in the evening with my kids.  I realized working from home was making me available to work all day and I never really shut off. When I get back to work, I want to set a better schedule to be able to balance my work and family life.

Being in quarantine has helped me to recognize the value of my circle.  What a blessing it is to be surrounded by people who love and accept the person you are.  I wish I had the support of someone to share in this hardship because having someone to laugh with makes all the difference in my mental health. 🙂 It is very hard to maintain peace in your home when you can’t laugh together, and see the good in each other. One thing I will say, divorce lawyers, will be very busy after this quarantine.

I appreciate time more than ever.  I have been learning this lesson for years, yes, YEARS!  When I was younger, I worked under the assumption that time was a surplus commodity.  At 21 about to get married, when contemplating whether it was a good choice, my first thought was, “if it doesn’t work, we can just get divorced”.  It has taken a lot for me to understand the precious and finite gift that is time. And as I sit inside my small apartment, all the kids running around with a husband that doesn’t really even like me, it is clear to me, how different this whole situation could be, had I given more consideration to how my choices would affect my time. But, I am eternally grateful for this lesson – and I hope I am given the opportunity of time after all this is said and done. 

I spend a lot of nights awake thinking of the scary things that might be… but then I wake up and I pray.  I have prayed more in this past month than I have ever prayed in my life!  At first, it was awkward, feeling sheepish and undeserving of the comfort you can get from prayer.  I have always practiced gratitude. I believe being happy is a choice, and we can look for the good in all the places.  But prayerfully asking for help hasn’t been my strength. But after talking it out with people I trust and respect, I learned I am not expected to be perfect in order to pray.  So now, when I pray, I try to separate the idea of what I should be and create a new connection to a higher power, God, Universe, or Father. One that is just what I am now, speaking to my creator, asking for help in dealing with all of this pandemic, earthquakes, and other life changes.  Without fear and without feeling I am not good enough for a blessing. This is something I have learned because of this new circumstance.  

When this is all over, I want my kids to remember the good times.  For all the scary, and frustrating moments, I hope they have more happy memories of laughter and love.  I want them to remember the connections we made while going for socially distant walks or drive up bbqs, the cake we made for our neighbor, or the game nights spent together.  After all – family is everything! I can’t wait to hug my family! In the meantime, I am holding on to my sweet kiddos and to these precious and unique moments we get to enjoy. Oh, and always kiss them goodnight!